The Difference Between Acting and Real Feelings
by Happii Haden
Summary: Sasori and Deidara. Two high school actors.  They have been in a relationship for a long time. Yet, no matter how many times Sasori sayd 'I love you' Deidara can't tell him the same. What happens when Sasori finally snaps?
1. Chapter 1

_**This fanfic is dedicated to my beloved aunt. (xlauralullabyx). And to everyone who maybe feeling the same way.**__****_

_**Warnings: sexual content in beginning. Gets gory and sad.**__****_

_**Disclaimer: I only own the plot and tittle. Nothing else.**__**  
><strong>_

"And...ACTION!"

"Mm, Sasori, yeah~" Deidara moaned as him and his lover start a heavy make-out session.

"Of all fucking times!" Hidan cried out. "Shut it, dumbass." Sasori said, as he cupped the blonde's face, pulling him closer.

Hidan rolled his eyes. Yeah him an his boyfriend made out. But never at 6:30 in the morning.

"Nhnn, Sasori, if you don't stop, I'll get hard, yeah." The blonde whimpered. "But, you're so _delicious~__"_ Sasori smirked, dragging his words out. Deidara shivered and pressed closely to his lover.

Sasori smirked and leaned down to whisper into the blonde's ear, "You dirty little bitch. Such a good slave I have. Are you hard, babe?" He nibbled on Deidara's ear. "Ahhhh! Yes, Danna."

Sasori moaned in the back of his throat and ground their hips together, "I bet you're thinking about me filling that tight little ass with my large hard cock. Aren't you?" Deidara nodded. His Danna knew him to well.

When they first started having sex, both found out that dirty talk turned each other on. It was perfect. And to make it even better, Sasori was such a sadist and the blonde being the masochist. It was like heaven set them up.

"Such a slut. You love Danna's cock don't you? Tell me, babe. Tell Danna how much you love it." Sasori bit his ear a little harder than last time.

Deidara moaned, "Ohh, yes Danna! I love your cock! It's always so big and hard." Sasori thrust his hips against the blonde. By now Hidan had went to the other bus stop.

"Get on your knees and prove it, whore. Show Danna you really love it. Blow me hard and fast. Fucking shove it down your throat. Please me, babe." Sasori growled. He was so turned on, the bus could wait.

"Mm, oh I will Danna!" Deidara moaned as he slid down to the hem of Sasori's pants undoing them. And then began to undo his boxer when, "And...CUT!"

The two young actors sighed tiredly and got off stage. The redhead went over to the blonde. He placed his hand in the other's and kissed his slightly swollen ear, "I really hate this movie." He whispered.

Deidara sighed and turned to his lover. "I know what you mean." Sasori kissed him on the lips, "The movie would be fine, if I didn't have to call you such horrid names and do those things to you."

Deidara blushed, "You mean it, un?" Sasori nodded and kissed his lips again. "Of course. I love you." The blonde smiled, "Un..." He couldn't say it.

Why couldn't he? It was just three small words. A 'I' and 'you' with 'love' in the middle. He just smiled and let Sasori tell him. Though the blonde's heart ached every time Sasori said it. Which was a lot.

Sasori smiled, "I'll go get us some water." He said, before walking off. He bit his bottom lip hard. It hurt. It fucking really hurt. No matter how many times he said it. No matter how he said it. The blonde wouldn't say the same back. 'I love you too' How hard was it? Sasori took a deep breath and got the water before returning.

"Here you are, Dei." The redhead pecked his lips. Deidara smiled, "Thanks, Sasori." The redhead nodded.

"Alright boys, we'll continue next Tuesday. You are relieved." The director said as he shooed them and started yelling at the others with a megaphone. "Clean this place up! I don't want dry cum everywhere!"

Sasori turned to his lover, "So how you getting home?" The blonde looked back at Sasori, "Taxi." He stated. The redhead nodded. "You still taking the subway, un?"

"Yeah." Sasori replied. "You should invite me over sometime! I never got to see your house before, un." Deidara pouted.

Sasori chuckled, "You wouldn't like my house." He said, kissing Deidara's cheek. It was true. His 'house' was a ran down apartment. Even though he made money, he was saving it for something more important.

Deidara stuck his tongue out in a childish way, "Whatever, un." He laughed and sighed as his taxi arrived. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Sasori nodded and kissed his lover, "Alright. Be safe. I love you." His heart clenched as Deidara just smiled and nodded.

The redhead sighed and clenched his fists as he walked to the subways. He rode quietly. That was the only good thing about the subways. They were usually unused and quiet. His ride ended shortly and he got off and headed home.

Once he got in he set his stuff on his couch and went into his room. The redhead sighed loudly, plopping on the bed. "Why doesn't he say it?" He asked out loud. "Does he not love me?"

"Am I just a joke to him?" Anger began to build. He tried to calm himself. He really did. But Sasori was just so angry he couldn't help it. He let out a loud scream and thrashed about on his bed. The redhead clenched his fist so tight, his nails began to dig into his palm making him bleed. "Am I not good enough for you, Deidara? Did I not treat you right?" He screamed.

Sasori got off his bed and walked into the bathroom. He opened his cabinet mirror and pulled out some things: box cutter, lighter, and painkillers. "When I say I love you guys, I know you feel the same. You release the pain and anger." Sasori cooed.

The redhead locked the bathroom door and sat in the bathtub. He took the pills and swallowed about five. Eating them up like candy. He relaxed against the back of the tub, letting his mind swim.

Once the redhead felt numb enough, well as numb as he could tell, he grabbed the box cutter and placed it near his wrist, "This is a poem I made for you." He started out. "It tells how my love for you is true. Even though I know you knew," He let the blade slice his wrist, watching the blood drip down. "when I'm with you, I don't know what to do. Everything I'm feeling, it's all here." Another cut. He took a deep breath. "I'll say it to you without any fear. Even if I stumble when you come near," Sasori cut again, getting ever so closer to the vein. "I know to myself, I love you so dear." He cut oce more.

It felt so wonderful. His face was flushed. He always recited poems when he did this. It made the redhead feel better to let it out. Sasori even had a whole book dedicated to his little poems.

He looked at his blood covered arm. "You'll never know. And you won't have to either." Sasori whispered. After a few more cuts he grabbed some more painkillers and downed them.

The redhead grabbed the lighter and mumbled to himself, "Only way to hide the scars is to burn them away." He muttered, starting the lighter and holding it to his arms going over his cuts. Even with the painkillers he could still feel the intense flame burning the flesh together. It felt good actually.

As Sasori was healing his cuts, he nearly had an heart attack when his phone rang. "Shit..." He would have to finish later. For now he would wrap them.

The redhead unlocked the bathroom door and picked up his phone, "Hello?" He said, going back to the bathroom to wrap his arms. "Hey, un!" A cheery voice said on the other side.

Sasori felt his heart race and closed his eyes, "Deidara. You called. Why?" He asked, now wrapping his arms. "Because I can. Anyways, do you want to go out tomorrow after school, un?"

Sasori smiled lightly, "Sure. Where to?" He heard a soft hum. "Somewhere that has mozzarella sticks, un!" The blonde laughed. Sasori chuckled, "Ah. So how about Denny's then?" "Un!"

Sasori smiled and finished wrappings his arms, "I guess I'll meet you there?" "If you want."

The redhead nodded to himself, "Okey, I'll be there by 10:50." "Sweet, un! I'll meet you there."

"Talk to you later." Deidara said. "Mhmm. I love you..." The phone hung up. Sasori bit his bottom lip. He wouldn't cry. The redhead promised himself a long time ago he wouldn't fucking cr- too late. The tears were rolling down. '_I just want to hear him say it...Even if it isn't true_'

The next day around 10:50, Deidara was sitting alone at Denny's. 'W_here could he be?_' He thought looking at the clock. 11:30. Sasori was never late. "I'll call him..." He mumbled.

He listened to the phone ring before someone finally picked up. "H-Hello?" The voice said, grogily. "Sasori, un?" Deidara frowned.

"Deidara..." The line went quiet.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Warnings: Sexual Themes, possible suicidal, Tool, Sadness, and moar.**__**  
><strong>__**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING but the plot (:**__**  
><strong>_

"Hey...Sasori are you alright?" Deidara asked, nervously. The blonde could hear his shallow breaths.

"..." The redhead kept quiet. He wanted to see Deidara and tell him about this whole dilemma but, then again he just wanted to die. Be away from the whole damnable world.

"Sasori...You never came...I got worried, you're never late...Are you okey? I'm coming over, un. What's your address?" Deidara asked, demanding. Evan though he never said 'I love you' it didn't mean he didn't care.

"Forest Park. Apartment B32." Sasori mumbled. Maybe Deidara could help him. That's if he wasn't dead first. He quickly hung up and walked into the bathroom, undoing his bandages from yesterday. He had to finish burning. Sasori looked over and saw his painkillers were gone.

Deidara was about to say more but, discovered Sasori had hung up. He shook his head, grabbed his keys and ran out the door. The blonde had to find out what was wrong with his redheaded boyfriend.

Sasori clenched his jaw tightly as he burned his wrist again. He didn't like sheer pain. He loved the tingly feeling when he was numb. The redhead sighed when it was over. He then put his lighter in the cabinet mirror and grabbed what appeared to be skin cream.

It was a palish color that matched his complex. Sasori then took some and rubbed it over the reddened skin. He finished covering the burns just in time. There was a knock at his door.

Sasori walked out of the bathroom putting his things up before answering the door. "Hel-" he didn't get to finish before he was hugged tightly. "I thought you'd never answer. You had me worried, un! You seemed fine at school."

The redhead blushed, "Ah...I'm sorry..." He said quietly. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around the blonde, hugging him back

"You never came, un. I thought we were having lunch together?" Deidara frowned as he pulled away. "You've been acting differently these past few days, un. What's wrong?"

Sasori closed his eyes, "I...I don't know..." He mumbled. He didn't want to tell the blonde the real reason.

"Sasori..." Deidara whispered as he leaned in and kissed his lips softly. "Please tell me. You know you can tell me anything." The redhead covered his eyes with his hair, "Why won't you say it?" He whispered. Sasori kept his eyes covered. He didn't want the blonde to know he was silently crying.

"Won't say what, un?" The blonde asked confused. His heart was racing. _'Is this abo-_'

"I love you..." Sasori kissed Deidara gently. "I love you." He kissed him again. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." Sasori kissed him over and over again. He let his lips linger and his tongue shyly poke out, licking Deidara's bottom lip.

The blonde blushed deeply. What was this about? His blush deepened even more when Sasori incited a tongue filled kiss. Deidara hesitantly opened his mouth.

Sasori grabbed Deidara's hips and pulled him against him, thrusting tongue inside the blonde's mouth. Deidara's flavor flooded his mouth and he couldn't help but give a small moan. The redhead ran his tongue over Deidara's asking him to play. The tongue responded and Sasori began to rub his own against it.

The blonde was slightly trembling. They actually never made out. When the were filming they just got real close an made it seem like they were. Truth be told, the blonde was a virgin. He was only seventeen and Sasori was about to turn nineteen.

"Ahh, Sasori~" the blonde moaned when Sasori moved his knee against his crotch. "Do you like that Deidara?" The redhead who had pulled away from the kiss, asked.

The blonde whimpered when Sasori kissed and nipped at his neck. "U-Un..." He whispered. The redhead smiled and moved his knee to replace it with his hand. He heard the blonde gasp in surprise.

Deidara was a bit shocked. Sasori's hand was down his pants and boxers, rubbing him in just the right way. "Ohhh, Sasoriii w-what are you do-unnnn!" The blonde moaned.

Sasori gently sucked on his neck, making a small mark. He moved his hand at a steady pace, pumping the younger boy's erection. "God Dei. You turn me on so bad." Sasori whispered in Deidara's ear. "I just can't help it. You're just so beautiful..." The redhead nibbled on the ear lobe. "So yummy..." He blew on Deidara's ear.

"Mm, Sasori. Please don't stop, un!" The blonde moaned out. His cheeks were dusted pink and his eyes were closed in ecstasy. These sensation were so new and pleasurable. Deidara wrapped his arms around the redhead's neck. "Ahh! Sasori~"

Sasori closed his eyes and moved his hand faster. The blonde's moans were so adorable, he couldn't help but to comply to all the blonde's pleas. "Mm Dei~" He moaned. He could tell the blonde was close. He rested his head Deidara's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Cum for me Dei-da-ra~" He licked the outer shell of the blonde's ear.

Deidara shivered and gripped Sasori tighter, before coming. His whole body convulsed in pleasure. "Sasooori~" He moaned. The redhead shivered at the sound of his name, coming himself in his pants. He pulled out his hand that was covered in a nice white substance. Deidara blushed and looked the other way. Sasori kissed his cheek and went to the bathroom to clean up his own mess.

The blonde watched Sasori go into the bathroom. He sighed and sat on the redhead's bed. Deidara looked around a bit and noticed something sticking out on his night stand. He grabbed it and looked at the cover. It was just a plain black journal. The blonde didn't even get a chance to open it before Sasori walked out. And awkward tension set itself in the air. "D-Did you look through it...?" Sasori asked, wearily. Deidara shook his head, "I just picked it up, un..."

The redhead nodded and walked up to the blonde, holding his hand out. Deidara handed him the journal. Sasori tucked it under his arm and smiled. "Uhm, Sasori? Are you alright, un? You seem a bit off today..." The blonde asked.

"I'm fine, Dei." He whispered. "Though I do have a question..." He looked up at his boyfriend. "Un?"

"Do you not love me?" 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Warnings: suicidalness, sadness, and will possibly make you cry!**__**  
><strong>__**Disclaimer: Don't own anything but plot!**_

The air seemed thick in the small bedroom. "S-Sasori I-I really wouldn't know h-how to answer that, un..." The redhead frowned at the response.

"I see...Deidara I think you should leave now." His head hung low. Deidara frowned, "Sasori?" "J-Just go..." Sasori pointed to the door.

Deidara bit his bottom lip, "Sasori, I'm sorry..." The redhead shook his head and looked up, tears rolling down his cheeks and a sad smile planted on his face, "It's fine...I'll see you at school..." He whispered. The blonde nodded a bit worriedly, "If you need something, just call, un." He said before leaving.

The redhead watched the blonde leave and went into the bathroom. "I was played for a fool the whole time huh?" Sasori spoke quietly, looking in the mirror. "He's so beautiful...and I'm...not." He pressed his hand against the reflective glass.

His attention was caught when a notification went off on his phone. Sasori grabbed the small devise and checked it. "Damn Facebook..." He mumbled. The post was from one of his co-stars. '_Tonight's the big night!_' The redhead rolled his eyes. Uchiha Itachi. More people started commenting. He didn't care for it, until, a certain one caught his eye.

'_I'm sure Dei will say yes. You guys have been dating for about a year!_' Sasori ground his teeth and threw the phone against the wall. "Fucking whore! I was never good enough was I?" He yelled in fury.

The phone broke into pieces and scatter all over the floor. "You fucking lying bitch! You played with my heart! You knew I loved you! I-I gave you my fucking heart!" Sasori yelled in broken sobs. "I did e-everything to make y-you happy! I covered for you w-when you did something stupid!"

The redhead stopped his yelling and looked in the mirror. "I'm not the handsomest. I'm not the 'cool bad boy'. I'm not perfect. I can't be your dream guy. But you can't say, that I never tried, Deidara." He whispered.

Sasori rested his forehead against the mirror. "I had never in my fucking life, tried so hard for someone. For anything at that. You are more important than my art. Sadly, you can't say the same." He pushed himself off the mirror and opened it.

The redhead grabbed the lighter and some whiskey. He shut it and sat down on the floor. "Since, I mean so little to you...I mean nothing to the world..." Sasori grabbed a dry rag and doused it in whiskey. He then squeezed the juices all around the floor. "Look Deidara, it's your 'art'." He giggled and used the lighter to set the rag on fire. He placed the damp rag on the journal.

Sasori took a swig of the whiskey that was left in the bottle. "If only the fire could be eternal." He mumbled. The journal pages curled as the fire heated them. The redhead got up and walk around the fire, pouring the whiskey on the floor behind him.

He dug through drawers and and shelves, finding pictures and or memories of him and Deidara. He tossed them on the floor. Sasori smiled as they burned. "Look what you have done to me, you stupid whore." He laughed and looked around for a razor, avoiding the spreading fire.

The air was thick with smoke, but the redhead continued to walk through it. "Ah, here we go. A dying message sounds nice, eh?" Sasori downed the rest of the whiskey and threw the bottle carelessly. "Mm, at least we had some fun today." He laughed. "I bet you're not really a virgin."

The redhead put the blade to his arm. "Let's start." He pushed it down, breaking into the skin, "Dear Deidara," Red liquid filled the letters, some over flowing. "I still" Sasori was now at his wrist, he smiled and pressed harder, "LOVE" The blood began to spurt from his veins. He shivered and bit his bottom lip, "you." He sluggishly walked to his bed. His hand spraying the red liquid everywhere. He closed his eyes and let tears roll down his cheeks, "It's over..."

A faint pounding noise buzzed in his ears. He could feel the flames heating his bed and body. The smoke had finally filled his lungs, that he passed out from that and blood loss. However, if one looked closely, they would of saw the real mistake. The broken and melted phone that lied on the floor. If you looked hard enough. The broken device was flashing a notification saying: '_Oops I meant Dai not Dei._'

Deidara was sitting at home watching TV. "Why couldn't I say it, un?" He questioned himself. "He was so...Hurt" The blonde sighed, "I-I'm just...I don't even have a reason..." Deidara shook his head.

Their was a knock at his door. Deidara sighed sadly and got up to answer it. "Hello?" A man holding a package looked at him. "Are you Mr. Iwa?" The blonde nodded. "Sign here." The man held out a clip board. Deidara took it and signed it. "Here you are." He said handing the blonde flowers and a box. "Oh wow, uhm... Thanks." The man nodded and left.

Deidara closed the doors and went inside. He sat at the kitchen table and opened the box. Their was a DVD that had a sticky note that said 'play me' and a small box. The blonde got up and went and got a portable DVD player.

When he returned he took the sticky note off and put it in. He waited for it to load and then pressed play.

_"Hold the camera still you idiot!" "I am!" The redhead on the screen gave an unamused expression. "Just take the money and go."___

_The screen went fuzzy then went back to playing again.___

_"Hehe, sorry about that." The redhead was sitting against a cherry blossom tree and it was a bright sunny day. "Hidan isn't a very good camera man." Sasori laughed. "Anyways, enough about him. So this is my second resort. Since I couldn't do it the first time in person. I've decided a different approach."__  
><em>  
>Deidara stared at the screen confused. What did he mean 'second resort'?<p>

_"Deidara, we've been dating for what how many years? Two? We've had such great times together. You know just how to make me smile. I love everything about you. You make me happy. I hope I make you feel the same. Deidara, I can't live a day without you. This is why I ask, will you let me be your real Danna? Open the box Dei. I love you sooooo much."___

The blonde gulped and picked the box up and opened it. He gasped and looked back at the screen.  
><em><br>__"Will you marry me?" The redhead smiled lovingly and the screen went black._

Deidara's breathing was ragged and he felt like he could burst into tears at any moment. Today he had single handedly rejected the redhead. And now he received this package. His racing mind was interrupted when his phone rang.

Deidara quickly got up and answered it, "Hello, un?" "Is this Mr. Iwa?" A feminine voice asked. "Yes, may I help you?" He asked. "We have a Sasori Akasuna here and you were listed under his emergency contacts. Would yo-" "What happened? Where is he, un?" The blonde asked, now worried. "Sir, he's at Okite Yoake no Byōin(1)." Deidara's eyes widened, "I'll be right there, un!" He hung up put the box in his pocket and grabbed his keys, running out the door.

-at the hospital-

"Akasuna" Deidara said quickly to the lady behind the service desk. "Hm. Room 152." The blonde nodded, "Thanks" He quickly made his way to the elevator.

When he got near the room, a doctor stopped him. "Iwa?" Deidara nodded, "What happened, un? Why is he here?" The doctor gave a frown, "We assume he attempted suicide. The fire officials explained that the fire was purposely done. That and he ha-" "Can I go see him?" The doctor sighed, "If you like. Just make sure to stay quiet. And also change his bandages." He handed the blonde a roll of new bandages. Deidara nodded and went inside.

The blonde's face flushed as he saw his lover laying on the hospital bed helplessly. "Sasori..." He whispered. The room was quiet except the sound of the heart monitor. Deidara gently grabbed the redhead's wrist and began to undo the bloody bandages. When he took them off and threw them away, he cleaned the blood away. What he saw made him gasp.

The message on the redhead's arm. '_Dear Deidara, I still LOVE you_' Deidara bit his bottom lip and quietly re bandaged the redhead's arm. He then pulled a chair up and sat down next to Sasori. He gripped the other's hand tightly. "I-I'm so s-sorry!" He cried. "I did t-this to you d-didn't I?" The blonde began to sob.

He didn't want the redhead to die because of him. He wasn't worth dying over. "I'm so s-stupid, un!" He screwed his eyes shut tight. Suddenly, like in a scary movie, the heart monitor began to beep wildly. Deidara's eyes widened and he immediately pressed the pager. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He began to mumble. They were taking to long. The blonde opened the door and cried out in his loudest voice he could muster, "Please! Somebody help! Please! help!"

Nurses and other free doctors began to run to the room. One nurse took Deidara into a waiting room and tried to get him to calm down.

The blonde could hear the doctors talking. "He won't make it like this." "He's going to die..." "There's nothing we can do." "He's bleeding everywhere! Quickly get him a transfusion!" "We don't have his blood type!" "He needs oxygen!"

Deidara burst through the doors, "We have the same blood type, un" The nurse that had tried to stop him had now caught up with him. "Are you sure?" One of the doctors asked. "This could be risky for you. He needs a lot of blood." "Yes! Just do it!"

The faint beeping sound of the heart monitor filled the room. The redhead was slowly waking up. "Hm?" He hummed sleepily. He looked around the dark room. "Shit...I'm not dead?" Sasori rubbed his arms and saw that they were bandaged. "That's just great. Can't wait to hear what the media has to say..." He said, a bit angry.

Sasori sighed and looked over at the bed next to his randomly. He closed his eyes at the person then opened them immediately. "Deidara?" He got up off the bed and tried to move when he noticed the IV in his wrist. He growled and grabbed the roll-able tall IV thingy.

"Deidara?" Sasori whispered as he stroked the blonde's hair. He leaned down and kissed his forehead and exited the room.

Outside the room, the redhead spotted a nurse. "Excuse me?" The nurse turned and looked at him. She quickly walked him back to his room, "You're not supposed to be out of bed." She said. "Hey." He grabbed her uniform before she could leave. "What?" Sasori pointed over to the blonde, "Why is he here?" She smiled slightly, "You needed a blood transfusion. He was the one that gave you the blood." With that, she left. Sasori turned towards Deidara. "Why would you do that?" Their was slight movement on the bed. Then, the blonde was facing Sasori, "Because, I love you, Danna."

_**A**__**nd fin~ Yes this is the end of the story deal with it ;D**__****_

_**(1). Okite Yoake no Byōin no means Waking Dawn Hospital**__**  
><strong>__**Name sound familiar? Okite Yoake no Bomei (Waking Dawn Asylum)**_


End file.
